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The only way to prove you're a good sport is to lose.

Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

The only way to prove you are a good sport is to lose.

My curiosity got to the point where they allowed it. Excuse me, I'm just going to ask, HELLO, how are you?

Wubba lubba dub dub

Me

Me: I need to get an A on this test Me: starts studying the night before the test

We've had "cloning" in the South for years. It's called "cousins"

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them as much.

“As a family we couldn’t decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live.”

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

“If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.”

Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.